


5 times Riz ignored his neurodivergent traits and the 1 time he didnt

by Frog_that_writes



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: ADHD Fig, ADHD Kristen Applebess, Autistic Riz Gukgak, Hurt/Comfort, Tags to be added as I go, This takes place vaugley in junior year, lol the day i dont write hurt/comfort is the day i dont write at all, they're all queer and neurodivergent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23187589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frog_that_writes/pseuds/Frog_that_writes
Summary: Exactly what the title says lmao-5 time someone said "Hey Riz dude maybe that's not healthy" and Riz hissed through a mouthful of coffee-Or, I project onto Riz to the point where it's no longer healthy.
Relationships: Ayda Aguefort/Figueroth Faeth (Background), Kristen Applebees/Tracker O'Shaughnessey (background)
Comments: 66
Kudos: 279





	1. Hyperfixation+ Adaine

**Author's Note:**

> Not to brag or anything but I'm officially an award winning author (my 13th place medal counts shut the fuck up) so I'm pretty cool 😎

Riz's eye twitched as he brought his travel mug to his mouth, doing his best to work around his slightly shaking hands. He grimaced the second he tasted the coffee, having never really preferred to drink it black despite what some would guess. The unpleasant amount of sugar certainly didn't help, but right now he needed the caffeine and sugar more than he needed his mouth to not taste like bitterly sweet sludge. 

His head was pounding and his vision was filled with blind spots, and he really hoped the coffee would help with that soon. What certainly wasn't helping was his friends sitting around him talking at a volume that was about average for them, but was pretty loud for a majority of this plane's population. He couldn't really focus on the words, and instead zeroed in on the second hand of his watch slowly ticking forward. He didn't know why the school forced them to sit in the lunch room until 7:30 instead of just letting them wait in their classrooms, but today he couldn't help but think it was some leftover plan devised by Kalvaxious to make the student body suffer as much as possible. 

He took another swing of coffee. God, this shit was disgusting.

"And, like, I know Tracker loves me, but do you think she knows I love her?" 

"I had to fully pull you off of her this morning while you clung to her like a koala bear to force you to get ready for school," Adaine deadpanned. The redhead threw up her hands in frustration. 

"Yeah, but that doesn't really say I love you! It just says 'wow, look at how clingy and annoying your girlfriend is. You should dump her and make your uncle throw her out.'"

"There is a lot to unpack there," Fig started, but was interrupted by Fabian leaning forward in sudden interest. 

"You need to make a grand gesture."

"Uh, I don't know, " Kristen said hesitantly. "Lesbians don't usually do that sort of thing. I think I should just get her new van's. Maybe a flannel."

"No, no, no," Fabian tsked. "You have to prove your affection beyond a reasonable doubt. You must grab her heart in such a way as to never again let any other take hold of it! Back me up, The Ball." 

There was a beat of silence where Riz continued to focus on his watch, swearing he could almost hear the incredibly faint ticking noise, even though he was well aware that it was impossible in the noisy cafeteria. Dimly, he registered his friends had stopped talking, and looked up to see all their eyes pointed towards him. Oops.

"Sorry, what were we talking about?"

"Tell Kirsten that she needs to make a grand gesture to show her love," Fabian huffed. Riz blinked, having absolutely no context for the situation.

"Oh, well, if you're talking about Tracker, I don't think that's really necessary. She might appreciate it though, I don't know."

Why would they ask? He was terrible at romance. 

He was already focused back in on his watch by the time he had gotten the final word out. That made him think, maybe the victim had been planning to meet up with her girlfriend, and that’s why she had deviated from her usual routine. But her girlfriend hadn’t mentioned anything about a meeting, and he had no reason to suspect she was purposefully withholding information or misleading him. She had seemed rather helpful for how distraught she had been over the situation. 

But Riz was at the point where he was no longer discounting the less than reasonable ideas. He would ask her to meet him at his office, preferably later today. The sooner he closed this case, the sooner he could… well, do whatever he was going to do when he was done. Start a new one, probably. Spring break was still a few months away, he had time. 

“Riz?” Someone said. Suddenly, there was a misty translucent hand in his face, snapping and gaining his attention. “Hello, earth to rogue, the bell’s going to ring in one second.”

The goblin took another sip of coffee before responding. The bell rang. You could generally count on Adaine to be right about how soon things would happen. And not just because her watch was perfectly timed to the very second, matching perfectly to the school bells that were technically a few minutes too slow. He preferred to keep his to a more standard time. Hm, had he checked the time on the victim’s watch? He remembered it being cracked, maybe it had broken and would tell him the exact time it had happened. Then again, it took a lot to get a watch to completely break. It wouldn’t hurt. 

“Seriously, Riz, are you okay? You’re a million miles away today.”

Riz slowly shook his head, absentmindedly drinking again. Huh, he was almost out of coffee. Maybe he can sneak into the teacher’s lounge to get more. If he did it during his AP Stealth class he might even get bonus points.

“Sorry, Adaine,” he said, feeling himself getting tugged through the throng of students pouring through the hallways. He heard a few 'see you later!'s and 'good luck on that test!'s thrown out between his friends as they all split off. “Just tired.”

“I can tell,” the wizard snorted. “Do you want to go home? Or go chill with Jawbone?” Riz was shaking his head before she finished.

“Nah, it’s fine, I promised my mom I wouldn’t miss school because I was working on cases, so I’m going to tough out the day.”

Adaine bit her lip, looking conflicted. “You were working on a case all night?” 

They were standing at the point where they usually parted before first period, Adaine further down the hall for her spellcasting class, and Riz straightforward for his healing for non-clerics (or, people who actually had to learn how to bandage cuts and clean wounds instead of just saying a prayer hard enough, as Riz would often jokingly describe it to Kirsten). But instead of Adaine splitting off, they stood pressed against the wall, talking and trying not to get trampled by the barbarians who had to pass through this hallway to get to the gym. 

“Not all night,” he reassured. “I took a nap at three because everything was getting too blurry to read my files. Hey, do you think I need glasses?”

“I think you need sleep,” Adaine said flatly. “You should talk to Jawbone about this, focusing on something for so long isn't healthy."

"I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine," Riz reassured. "Promise."

Adaine bit her lip again, and Riz really didn't like giving her anxiety but he really was fine, he just got a little too into work again. Sometimes that happened, but it wasn't a big deal or anything. Eventually his growling stomach or extreme need to pee brought him back to senses after a few hours, and he would eat and drink some coffee. He was fine.

He sent Adaine his best smile, trying to ignore the way it felt like it was stretching his face. The wizard opened her mouth, and Riz could feel more platitudes on his tongue when-

_ Ring _

Saved by the bell. 

"I'll see you later, okay? Try and drink some water at some point?" He could tell she was reluctant to leave his side, but even more reluctant to be late to class. Technically, there was a few minutes before the late bell rang, but most teachers started first period whenever they decided first period should start, and her teacher was a bit of a buzzkill. 

"Yeah. See you later Adaine, have fun in class."

She nodded and left. Riz stood alone in the quickly emptying hallway for a few moments before remembering he should be doing something and quickly hurried to class. Adaine didn't know what she was talking about, he was fine. 

God, this coffee tasted like dirt, though. He wondered how much convincing it would take for Fabian to bring him a cup of the fancy shit in the morning. Probably not worth the effort. 


	2. Sensory overload + Fig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo some of the stuff Riz thinks in this chapter is a little internalized ableism-y so if that's a big no no for you feel free to skip

Everything was too loud. 

Well, loud was the wrong word. The high pitched buzzing of the fluorescent lights was annoying, but nearly background noise after nearly a year of being in this classroom. The kids in the front of the room were talking far too loudly, but if they actually started yelling he knew his substitute would pretend to care long enough to tell them to shut up. The human watching Naruto next to him without headphones was at least kind enough to have the volume on fairly low and was mainly using subtitles. The lockers slamming in the hallway were distant, and the sounds of the loudspeaker announcement, calling a group of people whose names he didn’t recognize except for the whispers he was hearing about a fight to the office, was already fading. 

The problem was more the quantity. His ears were debating between staying pinned to his head or pivoting in the direction of every noise, and he wasn’t quite sure why this was bothering him so much, but something about today just made everything feel god awful.

The top button of his shirt was choking him, but to undo it he would have to touch the shirt, and every time his fingers touched the fabric it felt apocalyptic. He could smell the sweat covered by suffocatingly strong perfume and cologne off of every person in the room. And while Riz could understand the idea of forgetting to shower after working non stop to the point where your mom threatened to turn a hose on you, but he somehow figured that wasn't the problem with most of these kids. 

But  _ god  _ there was still twenty five minutes left in this period, and then another five periods to get through. This day was long as fuck. 

If he thought about it rationally, he had no good reason to be reacting like this. It wasn't like he had an excuse to be in such a bad mood. He had gotten a record breaking six hours of sleep the previous night, and had even had time for a bowl of cereal and some orange juice that morning. He had been doing a lot better lately, when it came to taking care of himself. 

So why did he still feel like this? 

He knew what his friends would say. That he should talk to them or his mom or Jawbone. But if Riz couldn't even form the words in his own head, a name for his feelings beyond 'I'm an asshole pissed off at everyone' or a justification for his emotions, he wasn't exactly sure how he could explain them to someone else. 

His mind kept coming back to his shirt. It was so tight (no it wasn't) and the buttons were digging into his skin (they were on the outside of the shirt, that made no sense.) The tag in his collar was the most uncomfortable thing on the planet and he needed it  _ out.  _

He wished he could step out of the entirety of his skin the same way he could a shirt. Right now, nothing sounded better than a few hours of being incorporeal, recovering from whatever bad mood he was experiencing in peace.

The worksheet they were supposed to be doing in their teacher's absence still sat completely blank in front of him. It was due at the end of class. 

Riz stared at it for a few seconds, brain trying to comprehend anything other than the slew of information fighting to be processed all at once. Right, worksheet. He had to do the worksheet. 

Question one. Oh, multiple choice, that was fortunate. That meant he could guess instead of flipping through his book to find random words to write down. He didn't want to think about touching his book cover at the moment. 

But first, he needed a pencil. 

Riz was one of those kids that started of the year with a color coded binder organized for every class, a pencil bag with a highlighter of every color of the rainbow, and a pack of pencils for every purpose. By this point of the semester though, he was lucky to have a pencil tucked in his pocket. 

He did have one, thankfully, though he frowned when he realized it was a traditional pencil rather than a mechanical one. It was slightly dull too. 

All he had to do was circle the letters. That was easy. The pencil was barely on the page for two seconds, he could do this. 

He felt the way the pencil scraped against the paper and nearly threw up. 

He should just ask someone for a pencil, but his mouth wasn't working. Besides, what would he even say? He hadn't thought to mentally prepare for asking someone for a pencil. Should he direct the question to the whole room, or get up and ask one group? Either way, all eyes would be on him. That was a no-go. And what if they saw his pencil and asked why he couldn't just use it? Riz himself didn't even know the answer to that. 

He should just stand up and use the pencil sharpener. But then again, everyone would be looking at him. And, Riz wasn't really sure if it was worth it anyways. The noise would just be one more thing for his brain to try and deal with. He was fine. He could use a dull pencil without freaking out like literally every other person on the planet. 

The work sheet got finished and Riz gave himself a migraine with how hard he was clenching his teeth. But it was fine, because he wasn't getting a zero for the day and he only had five periods to go. He could do this. 

… Or he could go find somewhere dark and quiet to hide in until lunch. That sounded much more appealing. 

He did quick mental math while his class gathered up their books in preparation for the bell ringing in a few minutes. No one in his next two periods had shared a class with him yet that day, so no one would rat him out to a teacher. And even if they did, it's not like his teachers would care. They would just assume he left or something. This was Augefort. 

Yeah, Riz could definitely get away with this. 

The bell rang and he was moving so quickly he barely had time to flinch at how obnoxious it was. He was a man on a mission. 

The bathrooms were a no go, mostly for the reason that they would be just as overwhelming to be in as a classroom. There was a supply closet near the few primarily cleric classrooms, but he wasn't sure how often people used it and he would rather not risk getting discovered by some freshman just trying to get bandages. There was the obvious answer, of course, in the library, and Riz had found that the librarian was- well, not  _ nice  _ to him exactly, but certainly more tolerable to his prescience than she was to his louder friends (or Adaine, who, for all that librarians usually loved her, in fairness had stolen a book on her first day.) The library it was, then. 

It was blessedly quiet. The goblin immediately tucked himself in the far corner of the room, half crouched behind a cart full of long forgotten books that someone had abandoned in the middle of reshelfing. The carpet under him was probably disgusting if the dusty books surrounding him were any indication of the last time it was cleaned, but if Riz could content himself in hiding in alley ways and dumpsters for a case, a school library could not be where he drew the line. 

He could almost fall asleep there, actually, if he just rested his head on the shelf and closed his eyes. It was quiet, and cool, and dark. It would have been nice to have a blanket he could have thrown over himself to fully block out the rest of the world, but beggars could not be choosers.

"Riz?"

Fuck. 

" _ Shh,"  _ he hissed. He picked his head over the cart enough so that the girl in front of him could see him making a silencing motion. 

"Oh my god," Fig laughed, though thankfully at a slightly lower volume. "I've really worn off on you in the worst possible way. Sorry, I guess Gorgug got the cool music and Fabian got the bard energy, you're stuck with my tendency to ditch class."

"I'm not ditching," he grumbled, sliding the rest of the wall out from his hiding spot. Fig must have gotten Kristen levels of lucky to be perceptive enough to find him, he was usually fucking amazing at being stealthy. Not that he had really tried that hard, admittedly. "Just… taking a break."

"Uh huh," Fig said. "A break."

"A break," Riz agreed. "What are you doing here, then?"

"I've gotta write this dumb as shit essay for my Music History class and apparently I have to use three book references. Three! Can you believe that."

"Volume," Riz reminded her. There goes his two quiet hours.

"Right, sorry, but it's like, yeah, here's a month to do this essay, and also you have to read at least three books but probably more. Like, they do understand that not every book we read it going to have all the relevant info for our topics, right? It's such bullshit."

"You could download pdfs and search for key words related to your topic instead?" Riz suggested. Fig visible brightened.

"Holy, shit, you're right. I could kiss you! But I won't, because you don't like kissing. Also I have a girlfriend. Who does like kissing. I wish I was kissing my girlfriend right now," she ended wistfully. Riz's whole thing may be connecting the dots to solve cases, but he truly could not graph this conversation if he tried. 

"Oh-kay," he said. "That's great, Fig."

"Hey," the bard said, a sudden serious frown appearing on her face. "Why the fuck is Riz Gukgak, King of the Nerds-" she ignored Riz's token protest "-skipping class."

"I'm not skipping," he reminded her.

Right," she rolled her eyes. "Why are you taking a break, then?"

Riz debated for a moment if he should just lie and say he didn't feel like going to class, but if Fig was feeling perceptive enough to find him hiding in a corner of the library that he was pretty sure contained no books on anything related to music theory, she would probably see through him anyways.

"Everything just felt too loud," he shrugged. If he played it off like it wasn't a big deal, maybe he could convince both of them that it wasn't. "Teenagers are fucking annoying."

"Cheers, I'll drink to that bro." Fig mimed taking a shot before sending him a wink to let him know that she was now being annoying on purpose. 

"Do you have to go back to class?" 

"Nah." She held up her books. "Mrs. Dr. Fucking Dumb Shit phD better not be expecting me to write this on my own time. I'm sinking class periods until I'm done."

"Want company?" 

"Sure, if you don't mind hanging out with an annoying teen," she teased. 

And honestly, Riz would usually think that he wouldn't want to sit with loud and brash Figerouth Faeth while trying to recover from whatever the hell it was that made him freak out last period, but she was comforting. It was nice just sitting with a friend in a mutual and comfortable silence, even as he anxiously anticipated getting called out for not being in class at any minute. 

Maybe it was just the fact that they were in a library, or maybe Fig was taking his complaints about noise level seriously, but he didn't find his ears pinned to his head or his head throbbing the entire time.

When the bell rang and Fig offered to skip her next class with him, Riz found himself surprisingly okay with that, especially after Fig explained that she was planning to skip it anyways since her teacher had said, in a word for word quote, according to Fig, "I don't fucking care if you show up, just pass my exam so they don't fire me." on the first day of the year. 

Augefort was awesome. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify Riz's thoughts that he's overreacting or being unreasonable come from his own misunderstanding of how his own brain works and not any opinions on my part. He just doesnt have the words to describe how he's feeling.  
> The next chapter should hopefully be out soon *fingers crossed* but no real promises   
> Plz leave a comment or a kudo they mean a lot in keeping me motivated for longer fics like this


	3. Nonverbal/ Echolalia+ Ayda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be Gorgug but then Ayda said it's my turn to try to teach Riz healthy coping mechanisms so here she is! My daughter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is this chapter so long? Why does it very briefly become a chat fic? Why is it like 3 symptoms mashed together into a way that's very specific to me personally? Idk fam you tell me

It had been a long week. 

Four full days of twenty four hours, and one day of seventeen so far. A whole 137 hours since he had woken up and dragged himself out of bed and through the motions of a Monday. A cumulative of twenty five of those hours were spent sleeping, while roughly thirty two and a half were spent in school. Taking an extra hour every day to account for his half an hour trip there and back to Augefort, that left him with about seventy four and a half odd hours scattered about to do homework, work on cases, try and remind himself to actually talk to living beings, and attempt to keep a somewhat steady grip on his mental state. 

It was the same routine every week, and that's the way it was for nearly every kid in Solace, so Riz didn't really know what he was complaining about. Usually, he appreciated the structure of knowing his hours were carefully planned out, updating his calendar weeks in advance at the slightest hint of a change in plans. But something about it this week left him feeling exhausted, wishing he could just take a few days of doing nothing without the crushing guilt that came with inactivity. That's what the weekend was for, he supposed. 

Riz glared at the homework sitting spread out across his bed, a reminder that the weekend was not quite there yet, hoping that if he stared long enough it would magically solve itself. He may be a nerd, but even nerds get tired of the same repetitive work some of their teachers assigned. At the moment, he wished he could pull a Fig and blow it off or convert to barbarian and take nothing but phys. ed classes with Gorgug. He would get bored so quickly, and also get crushed considering he was half the height of some of Gorgug's classmates, but at least he would escape the world of rogue investigation and the practice problems that ended with 'the maid did it' ninety-nine percent of the time.

He was drawn out of his daydreaming of a life of not having to care about worksheets by the notification light on his crystal popping up. 

Cigerouth 

_ still on 4 ice cr @ B 2nite?  _

Crystal ball

_ Yeah! Gorgug, can you still pick up the manor gang? _

Skipper

_ yea, I'll swing by around 5 ish? _

Homosexuali-tea

_ Aight vibing  _

Bard 2: electric boogaloo

_ I'm begging you to speak like a normal person  _

Homosexuali-tea

_ Bold words coming from the man who called eggs cackle fruits the other day _

Skipper

_ hey fabian _

Bard 2: electric boogaloo

_ Yeah Gorguh? _

Skipper

_ what the fuck  _

Bard 2: Electric boogaloo 

_ Just because you all don't understand the subtle intricacies of pirate slang doesn't mean I'm the weird one  _

Bard 2: Electric boogaloo 

_ Back me up, the ball _

(Un)licensed 

_ You can't just call on me every time your honor is questioned. _

Bard 2: Electric boogaloo 

_ But you're the only one who's nice to me :(  _

(Un)licensed 

_ Guys, stop bullying Fabian, he's sensitive. _

Bard 2: Electric boogaloo 

_ Yeah! _

Bard 2: Electric boogaloo 

_ Wait _

Homosexuali-tea

_ Lmaoooo _

Cigerout

_ It chill if Ayda comes?  _

Skipper

_ Ofc _

_ I'm assuming she needs a ride too? _

Cigerouth

_ Ye _

Homosexuali-tea 

_ Gorgug we love and appreciate you so much!!!!! _

Skipper 

_ I love you guys too! _

Cigerouth

_ This is so gay! I love you guys! <33333 _

Skipper

_ Lmao i gotta clean out the van some so everyone can actually fit ttyl _

Cigerouth

_ @riz on or not? _

(Un)licensed

_ Yeah but I'd appreciate a ride. _

Bard 2: Electric boogaloo 

_ I'll give you a ride if you make Kristen be nice to me  _

(Un)licensed

_ I mean it's only a half an hour walk to Basrar's I'll live.  _

Bard 2: Electric boogaloo 

_ :((((((((( _

Bard 2: Electric boogaloo 

_ I'll pick you up the ball  _

_ god the sacrifices I make for my ungrateful friends  _

(Un)licensed

_ Read at 3:23 pm  _

Cigerouth

_ SAVAGE _

Riz put his phone down, smiling to himself over the conversation. He loved his friends, but ridiculous was truly sometimes the only word to describe them. He scribbled down a few more answers before shoving his paper into his book and cramming it into his backpack. He was officially not thinking about school again until Monday, for now he needed to make sure he was some semblance of ready before Fabian broke down his door to kidnap him. 

Convincing himself to get his ass in gear and get ready was harder than it reasonably should have been. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see his friends, or that he prefered the idea of spending his entire weekend doing nothing waiting for a new case to come by or for a new series to hook his attention. Something about the idea of keeping up with his high energy friends tonight just seemed exhausting, though. The same way the week had seemed exhausting, the thought of talking and being… normal drained his metaphorical battery. Ugh, he must be slipping if he was using metaphors in his own internal justification of his feelings. It was confusing enough when others used them for otherwise simple ideas, he didn't need to further complicate his own emotions. 

The notification light on his crystal appeared, this time for a private message and not a discord chat. 

🏈🚢

_ I'm outside, one of your shady neighbors is looking at me like he's about to ask if I want to buy dusk moss so please hurry up  _

🔎 **⌚**

_ Nah, if you're talking about Chris he sells way worse shit than dusk moss. I'll be down in a minute.  _

Riz had originally had much more complicated names for his friends, long code words containing random digits he had memorized for each of them. But the first time he had passed out in battle with Kirsten fresh out of spell slots, his friends, who he had only been awake long enough to tell his passcode, attempting to contact his mom to let her know of the situation and thwarted by his "ridiculous" (their words, not his) contacts, they had forced him to adopt something a little more universal.

He had protested at first, claiming his system wasn't too hard to understand once you got used to it, but even he found himself struggling a bit as his list of phone numbers increased. He was far from the most popular guy in school but well… he kind of worked freelance now, meaning he had actual clients to contact, and he was friends with half the Blood Rush team, and Kirsten roped him into church prep occasionally and that wasn't to mention the fact that he sometimes found himself involved in the SigFigs-

The point was, it was a little hard to remember all of those digits on memory alone. 

An emoji system was much more manageable.

It wasn’t hard to spot Fabian outside. The Hangman was pulled up the side walk a little ways away from the door, and Fabian stood leaning against it slightly attempting to look at ease. In the alley way next to the building stood Chris, eyeing Fabian and conversing with someoe he couldn’t see hidden in the shadows. If he really cared, Riz was sure he could have investigated and easily determined who exactly was buying the insanely illegal drugs the dragon born was peddling, but he didn’t, so he didn’t. Instead he waved to his friend who, looking largely relieved to no longer be alone, though he certainly tried to hide it, hopped on his bike. 

"Hey, ready to go?" He asked. 

In lieu of answering verbally, Riz nodded and climbed behind the half-elf onto the Hangman. And then they were off. 

He spotted Gorgug's van in the parking lot when they pulled in, and unsurprisingly saw the rest of their party already seated at the table that was unofficially their's. Fabian tended to arrive everywhere "fashionably" late, but it was, in Riz's opinion, a better bet than trying to deal with the chaos of the van. Most of the time at least.

Fig was the first to see them coming in, eagerly waving them over and shoving Adaine until she looked up and smiled at them as well. 

"Fucking finally! God you guys are so slow!"

"Not my fault Riz made me wait outside with his drug dealing neighbors," Fabian said, right as Riz opened his mouth to blame it on his beauty habits taking far too long. He settled for glaring instead. 

"Whatever, not the point," Fig waved wildly, nearly slapping Gorgug in the face. "Come yell at Adaine, she's doing homework."

"Like a fucking nerd!" Kristen added enthusiastically. Adaine's face went significantly redder, but she didn't look particularly upset. Riz suspected she was beyond used to it at this point. 

"I'm not studying," she said stiffly, placing the bookmark in the paperback in front of her and snapping in shut. "I was reading while waiting for these two  _ fucking nerds  _ to show up."

"Oh! She got you good!" 

“An amazing insult, Adaine, you’ve done it again.”

“Thank you Ayda,” Adaine said, primly, stuffing her book in her bag, before turning to the two late arrivals. “We went ahead and ordered, we got your usuals.”

Riz opened his mouth to thank her only to find no sound coming out. He sent her a hopefully gratefuland not panicked smile instead, settling in and pretending to listen to his friends as he contemplated why he suddenly found himself unable to talk. 

It didn’t feel like he was under any sort of spell, but then again, it never did when the spell was good enough. He was starting to feel slightly panicked, and he was sorely tempted to ask one of the wizards at the table to cast dispell magic on him just to be safe, but he couldn’t  _ actually say the words to ask.  _ It was a frustrating feeling, like he was trying to force the words out of himself but there was a physical barrier in the way. He could plan them in his mind just fine, and could start to say them before they got lost in his throat. 

He hadn't had this problem a few hours ago during school. He had even held a short conversation with his mom when he got home, so he wasn't sure why he was only now experiencing whatever the hell this was.

He was just about to give up and write on a napkin when their server came by with a tray of ice cream and milkshakes. Riz gratefully took his root beer float as the table of noisy teens quieted down enough to pass out everyone’s orders.

“Thank you,” Kristen said, nodding to the halfling girl who vaguely resembled someone Riz thought he might have seen in the hall. Fuck, he was going to seem so rude.

“Thank you,” Riz parroted, surprising himself. Belatedly, he realized he had said it with the exact same intonation as the cleric. Thankfully, no one noticed in the sea of muttered ‘thank you’s as the server promised to bring back more napkins. 

“Anyone else think she looks familiar?” Gorgug asked.

“Um, I’m thinking Ashley?” Kristen guessed. “No, Samantha!”

“Do you have a class with her?” 

“Nah, I don’t know her. I’m just guessing based on her bone structure.”

“I’ve seen her in the library,” Adaine offered. “Definitely an Augefort student.”

“I don’t think she’s a fighter, I’ve never had a class with her that I know off,” Fabian said.

“Like you actually recognize any of your classmates,” Fig scoffed. “I know she’s in the band but I don’t think she’s fully a bard. Maybe she multiclassed, I don’t know.”

“I do not recognize her,” Ayda said. “Riz, perhaps you know who this girl is?”

Riz let out a startled half-choked noise at being addressed. Shit.

“I don’t know her,” he said, once more mimicking Kristen’s words. They must have noticed the odd way he said them based on the way they all looked slightly confused, but they continued on as if they hadn’t, shrugging and changing topics with ease. 

Riz made a few more aborted attempts at rejoining the conversation before giving it up as a lost cause when he continued to open his mouth only for no sound to come out. Eventually he discovered that, to his horror, he found the need to repeat his friends' words back to them rising. 

"I'm so tired of these college emails," Adaine complained. "You get one good score on one measly test and suddenly every college in the world wants me as badly as the Elven government."

"Couldn't be me, I did so badly I think most colleges have me on a 'throw away applications upon sight' list," Gorgug sighed. 

"You didn't do that badly!" Adaine said. "A 20 really isn't bad, and you have a whole year to retake it!"

_ 20 isn't bad 20 isn't bad 20 isn't _

What the fuck? 

Riz refused to vocalize the words despite the fact that he could tell it would feel amazing to say them, might even clear up whatever was preventing him from just making his own words in the first place. But it would be weird to just repeat people’s words back at them, and the idea of seeming weird was infinitely scarier to him than whatever was preventing him from speaking.

“Riz Gukgak? Are you okay?” Ayda turned towards him, her loud voice drawing the attention of the rest of the table. 

“Okay?” Riz tried to inject some level of normalcy into his voice, but it still came out sounding like a question. “Okay,” he tried again, somewhat closer to the correct inflection. 

Ayda squinted at him, clearly trying to understand if his response was normal or not. 

“Okay?”

“Okay,” he repeated.

“Okay!” Fabian shouted. “Everyone stop being weird, it’s ruining the vibes of my milkshake.”

“Like the vibes of a marshmallow milkshake could ever be good in the first place,” Kristen scoffed.

“Look, I don’t know why you feel the need to  _ roast me _ so  _ excessively-” _

“Aw, Fabian’s getting upset by Kristen’s observationalist humour again!” Fig mocked, and just like that any attention that would have previosuly been directed at Riz’s freak out was consumed with once more roasting Fabian. 

“It is okay to not be okay,” Ayda said at a lower volume, not taking her eyes off the other’s sitting around the table. Luckily they were sitted right next to each other, so no one heard. He looked up at her. “Sometimes it can be hard to be around other people, and that is fine,” she nodded. 

Riz opened his mouth, trying to say something in response, perferablly a claim that he was fine, but instead just grew more frustrated with his inability to say anything.

“Words can be… hard,” Ayda said, likely noticing his frustration. He nodded, probably showing far too much relief. 

“I love Fig, and you all are very dear friends to me, but, I often find myself overwhelmed by how… loud the others may be at times. That being said, I would be willing to teleport you to your home if you would like.”

Riz looked at his friends, still loudly debating over something, though now it sounded more like something to do with math rather than just general bullying of Fabian. It looked like fun, and he wished he could join them, but he couldn't help but feel the lingering anxiety that the longer he spent here, the higher the chance of his friends discovering that he was being odd. He could hang out with them some other time, once he got over this weird inability to speak. But first, he would rather be sure this was actually a problem with him, and not some vengeful sorcerer. 

Pulling out his phone, he typed a quick message in the notes app before practically shoving it in Ayda's hands. 

_ Do you know dispell magic?  _

Ayda scanned it and carefully handed it back, taking a moment to debate her words. 

"I do not believe this is a problem relating to magic, but I have prepared that spell due to all the light hearted 'pranks' the spell casting members of Mordred Manor like to indulge in, and I can cast it on you if you wish."

Ayda mumbled the vocal component and waved her hand in an intricate pattern, allowing the rush of her magic to fall over him. While Fig's magic was like a burning burst of heat kicking you into action, Ayda's magic felt like a steady warmth radiating throughout his body. Maybe that had something to do with the circumstances, a battlefield full of dead enemies and allies alike versus the boothe of an ice cream shop surrounded by joking friends, or maybe it was just a difference in them. Riz knew nowhere near enough about magic to guess. 

He opened his mouth to speak and once more found himself unable to, though it was far from a surprise. He generally trusted almost anything Ayda said, especially her opinions on magic. 

"I can tell the others that something has come up," Ayda offered. 

He handed over his phone again.

_ You don't have to lie to them if it makes you uncomfortable.  _

"As long as I can tell Fig the bare minimum of the truth if she asks, I do not mind telling a non truth if it helps a transitive friend."

_ As long as you don't mind.  _

"I could teleport myself back here in an instant if I truly wished to," Ayda waved. "But I believe I would prefer to return home as well."

Riz was sure his smile in response to that got his message across, but still typed out a  _ Thank you  _ knowing Ayda wasn't always the greatest at reading body language.

Ayda loudly stood up and announced that she was going to be teleporting Riz home as a situation had come up with his mom, and then was returning to the manor. Thankfully his friends were too busy being worried to look too far into Ayda's somewhat abysmal lying capabilities. 

Riz attempted to assure them that everything was fine while Ayda dragged him out the door, waving bye as he was yanked into the parking lot. 

"Please describe the outside of your apartment building to me in great detail-" The wizard began before cutting herself off. "Oh yes, talking is a bit of an issue at the moment. Do you believe you can pull a picture up on your phone?"

_ I can just walk home, it's fine  _ Riz typed.  _ Don't you only have 1 teleport spell a day? You need that to get home.  _

Ayda frowned as though that thought was only just now occurring to her. 

"Oh, yes, that is correct. As it stands, however, I would rather not allow one of my transitive friends to walk home by himself this late. Would it be acceptable for me to join you?"

_ As long as you're sure you don't mind, I wouldn't be opposed to company. _

"Wonderful," she smiled. "Please lead the way."

It was a mostly silent walk back to Strongtower Luxury apartments. Ayda would occasionally make some passing comment that Riz would type out a response to, but for the most part the only sound was the passing of cars beside them.

It was getting dark, the light from Ayda's wings and occasionally Riz's phone flashlight when a string of streetlights were busted as they got closer to the crappier part of town illuminating their way. They finally arrived after nearly 45 minutes, Riz's earlier estimate nott accounting for how tired he was starting to feel. 

"Good night Riz, I hope you are feeling better soon." Ayda said once they stood in front of the apartment complex. Riz held up a finger in the universal motion of "wait," preventing her from immediately teleporting away while he typed. 

_ Do you know what's wrong with me?  _ The half phoenix bit her lip, hesitation clear on her face. 

"I believe it would be wise to talk to Jawbone about this issue," she said eventually. 

_ Oh.  _ He wrote.  _ Okay, well, thank you for everything. Seriously _

"You are very welcome," she looked suddenly hesitant again. "I have recently procured a crystal of my own, and while I am not yet adept at using it, I would be more than willing to give you my own number so that you may contact me if something like this happens again."

_ That would be nice. And you can let me know if you need anything as well.  _ He smiled. 

"Of course." She returned it with a grin of her own, the hesitation thankfully gone from her face. 

She took his phone and wrote down her own number beneath his typed notes. 

"I hope to see you again sometime soon, Riz Gukgak, you should visit the manor in the near future."

_ I'll try to,  _ he promised. 

"Wonderful."

And with that she teleported away.

Riz climbed the stairs to his apartment, checking his phone notifications as he went. A few messages in the group chat from the others asking if everything was okay, which he quickly assured. Rather than making up a lie he would have to try and remember in the future, he just sent a quick reassurance that it was a false alarm and everyone was okay. He waved to his mom, who was sat on the couch half asleep with a show he didn't recognize playing, on his way in, quickly moving into his bedroom before she could ask him anything. 

He went through the motions of changing into pajamas before flopping down on his bed he stared up at the ceiling, phone still clutched in one hand. 

" _ Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful…" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riz is my son and I dont know why I do this to him  
> Btw, I'm sure a few people are wondering why exactly Riz seems to have no experience with his symptoms. That's because I wanted to make him a lot like me. He was a gifted child, and almost all of his symptoms came across as being a somewhat socially awkward but really smart kid. Whenever he experienced stuff like being nonverbal, it was extremely rare, and he was mostly too young to remember it. Any adults in his life just brushed it off as him being a kinda weird kid. But when he got to about high school age, a lot of the symptoms started multiplying due to stress. For me personally, this was the stress of a lot of social stuff I had going on as well as general grades and hs stuff, and while all of this is true for Riz, he also like, dies sometimes. And watches his friends die. And makes people die. Kid's got stress, and this comes out in the form of symptoms. 
> 
> I'm sure no one read this far, but if you did, please comment and kudo!! How did I do with Ayda? It's my first time writing her, and I tried to capture her voice in my head.


	4. Routines + Gorgug and Kristen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me thinking of the idea for this chapter god, how am i going to write 2,000 words about routines? thats a symptom i don't even have that often  
> the weird extra plots i put in this chap for no reason: oh, you wanted 5,000 words? here ya go!!  
> anyways, that's my way of saying this chapter is Long. Not compared to some fics, but compared to my usual chapters at least. Apologies if you don't like that form, the last two chapters will probably be shorter again

Riz knew he wasn’t going to have a good day as soon as he woke up. He wasn’t sore from battle or tired from a night of working, but he found himself rolling over to turn off his alarm with a feeling of dread pooling in his stomach. His head was foggy and throbbing with a dull, barely there pain, and it felt like his body was lagging as he went through the motions of showering and getting dressed. This wasn’t some clairvoyant message of impending doom, as far as he could tell, and that was really much more Adaine’s speed anyways, but he still found himself dreading the day. 

He tried to remind himself to focus on it in small increments. Walk to school, meet up with the group, wait for the bell, first period, second period, switch books, third period, go downstairs, fourth period, go back upstairs, switch books, fifth period, lunch, sixth period, seventh period. Go home, do homework, hide in his bedroom until he stopped feeling like there was going to be another apocalypse. A solid unbreakable plan he tried to cling on to whenever it felt like he needed the constant. He would leave in fifteen minutes, talk the half an hour walk to clear his head, and nothing was going to happen all day but the things he knew were going to happen. He would have a sub third period, a test fifth period, gross pizza for lunch and a migraine after dealing with the jocks in his mandatory phys ed class sixth period. A simple, easy routine.

He checked his crystal while he waited for his coffee to brew, finding a message from Gorgug.

_ Picking up the manor gangs since Jawbone’s apparently busy, want me to swing by ur place too?  _

He was confused for a moment before he focused and found he could hear the faint sound of pounding rain outside. That probably explained why Gorgug was picking up Fabian as well, the Hangman didn’t offer much protection from rain. Probably for the best that he didn’t attempt to walk to school in that, he thought as he checked his window and found that it could definitely be classified as storming at this point. And his mom had just gotten home, so there was no way he was waking her up to ask her to drive him. He really needed to get a car. He had taken the test and passed over the summer in case something ever happened and he needed to drive, but not having a vehicle of his own did make the license slightly pointless, in retrospect. 

He shot off a quick response accepting Gorgug’s offer, getting another message for him saying he was leaving then and would be there in a few minutes. He felt the feeling in his stomach grow heavier.

He hadn’t planned on driving to school today. It wasn’t exactly a large deviation from routine, sure, but it was still different from what he had planned when he ran through his day in his mind. Now, instead of taking the short walk himself he had to wait for Gorgug to pick him up, go to Seacastor Manor and then go Mordred Manor, then turn back around and go to the high school. If they were quick they weren’t going to be late, but with the Bad Kids it was always a coin toss of how quickly they could drag them out the door. There were times where they had managed to be across town completely armoured and magically buffed and holding weapons ready for battle in under half an hour, and there were times where it took three hours to get ready for a sleepover. It was unpredictable, and Riz did not enjoy it when things were unpredictable.

He waited in the lobby until he saw Gorgug’s van park outside, sprinting across the sidewalk with his briefcase held over his head in a sad attempt to stay dry, before throwing himself in the passenger seat, somehow managing to not spill his coffee.

“Shotgun,” he muttered while flicking hiss ears in irritation at the water still clinging to them. God, he hoped his shirt dried soon, that shit was uncomfortable as fuck. Gorgug snorted as he pulled back onto the road.

“I thought you didn’t care about stuff like that?”

“I don’t, but Fabian does, and it’s always really funny when he gets prissy.”

“So…” Gorgug drew out the word. “Confession time.”

“Oh,” Riz raised his eyebrow, twisting in his seat to stare at the half-orc who was completely focused on the road. “Is this a coming out thing? I thought you already did that.”

“Wow, supportive,” Gorgug rolled his eyes. He looked over at Riz for a split second before returning his eyes to the road, looking slightly nervous. 

“I may or may not have lied about picking up the others? Fabian stayed the night with Allewyn at Mordred Manor, and Jawbone is driving all of them. I can’t believe you bought that he’s busy by the way, he literally works at Augefort.”

Riz stared, aghast. 

“You’re an asshole,” he said eventually, much more surprise in his voice than there was anger. He never really got people’s obsession with telling the truth when a lie wouldn’t hurt anybody, but Gorgug usually had a bit stronger of a moral compass than him. He was a bit impressed, all truth be told.

“Yeah, I’m a real asshole for tricking you into agreeing to let me take a less than five minute detour to pick you up so you didn’t die trying to walk to school.” Thankfully, Gorgug didn’t sound angry either. Just amused in a way that Riz took slight offense to.

“I would have agreed anyways!” He protested. Gorgug didn’t say anything, but the look he made, still directed towards the road, said it all. Riz privately agreed.

The thing was, it  _ was  _ nice of Gorgug to pick him up, deception and all. He definitely would have gotten sick if he had tried to walk to school, and it was hard to make stealth checks when he was sneezing every two minutes. 

But he had just made a new plan. He had rewritten his routine to account for the detours they would have to make and the decreased time they would have before the bell rang. It was a quick rewrite and was infinitely less comforting than the routine he had memorized and recites before he goes to sleep every night, but it was still something to cling onto. Now he was rewriting it again, a straight trip to school and a lot of extra time to kill before class. Okay, that was fine. It was just steps one through three altered. He could live with that. The rest of the day would be the same.

“Thanks,” he said after a pause.

“‘Course.” Gorgug responded. “Non-manor gang slash green gang has to stick together right?”

“Right,” Riz said with a small laugh. “Don’t forget the non-evil parents gang.”

“Right,” Gorgug repeated, nodding solemnly. “Can’t forget that one, very important.”

The rest of the short ride was passed in much the same way, with scattered conversations and jokes at their own expense. Riz almost forgot for a moment that he was strangely anxious.

That is, until they pulled into the lot at 7:05, five minutes before the door opened. There was another change to his schedule, however slight it may be. Because now the next item on his list was no longer “meet up with the group,” but was instead “wait five minutes to be allowed into the school.” He hadn’t thought of how early this would put them.

“Let’s just wait out here,” Gorgug suggested, pulling the key from the ignition and leaning back in his seat. “Kinda pointless to go stand in the rain.”

“Yeah,” Riz agreed, attempting to keep any tightness out of his voice as he once more dealt with a rewrite to his schedule. “I doubt the magic users want to waste spell slots drying us off.”

“Oh yeah!” Gorgug brightened. “I forgot one, team no magic!” Riz was confused for a second before he remembered their conversation from earlier.

“Not anymore, remember? You multi-classed over Spring break. You know, I was a little hurt over Fabian leaving us for the siren song that is being a bard, but you were the real betrayal, man. I think I have trust issues now. All alone without a single spell slot.”

“You could always mutli-class too,” Gorgug said without a trace of apology in his voice. “I could see you as a paladin. I’m sure Cassandra is taking applications for warriors. Join the magic side, we have healing,” he ended with a laugh.

“Honestly?” Riz started, a little surprised by how attractive the idea seemed. “I’ll think about it. Not like these rouge classes are really doing anything for me anymore. It’s kind of the same shit on repeat.”

“That’s how I feel about barbarian classes sometimes,” he nodded. “The artificer stuff is a nice change of pace.”

The goblin nodded in agreement, noticing the clock on the dashboard change out of the corner of his eye. He looked down at his watch to confirm and- yup. 7:10. Fucking finally. He retrieved the briefcase he had thrown onto the back seat once he discovered there would not be far too many bodies shoved into the currently non-magically enhanced van and tightened his hold on his mug, ready to once more face the onslaught of rain still barrowing down.

“Sure you don’t want to chill for a few more minutes to see if the rain calms down?” Gorgug offered when he saw his hand on the handle. “We have twenty minutes until class starts.”

He debated over the idea internally. While the thought of remaining dry for a few more minutes was appealing, there was no way the rain was going to calm down that much before they had to be in the building, so it really was inevitable. Besides, his extremely hastily re-written plan said he would leave at 7:10, so he was leaving at 7:10. 

“Nah. Have to go claim our table before some freshmen try to take it.”

“Smart,” Gorgug nodded. “Let me grab my bag.”

-

The schedule stayed consistent, after that. The Bad Kids met up at their usual table, the bell rang at 7:30, he had a sub third period who showed a tear-jerkingly boring video about hiding at the end of their attacks to gain an advantage (seriously, what rogue didn’t know how to hide in between attacks? It was almost insulting.) traversed the stairs before and after fourth period, and started his test in fifth period well prepared with two sharpened pencils. Then, right as he was getting to the short answers on the back, there was a crackle as the pa system came to life. That was not scheduled. Neither was the announced gathering the students would be having in the large gym during the last period and a half while the teachers held some sort of meeting, apparently. It was happening sometime in sixth period, and would likely last up until dismissal, and as much as Riz was so insanely curious about what they could be discussing for nearly an hour and a half, he was more caught up about the fact they shouldn’t be discussing  _ anything _ because that went against the schedule, god damn it. Ignoring that the schedule was an arbitrary routine that only existed in the confines of his mind, it was still not something he appreciated having interrupted. 

He completed the test somehow, despite the growing anxiety in his stomach that he attempted to shove down as irrational. Because it  _ was  _ irrational. He was nearly seventeen years old, he could handle a slight interruption to his day. He turned the test in, returned his teacher’s smile with an uneasy one of his own, and sat back down on top of his hands to fight back at the sudden urge to move them. Yeah, there was no way he was doing that in the middle of his classroom. 

He tried to look on the bright side. He got to skip p.e class. There was going to be dodge ball today, too, and Riz was really not looking forward to having to ask Kristen for a heal when he inevitably almost died when a fighter decided to play rough and there weren’t enough people left on his side for hiding to work. That had been a vague part of his schedule, one of the things he penciled in as a maybe and planned his words for just in case. He could save that script for another day. There was also clearly some sort of drama he could look forward to Adaine either already knowing or discovering in the next week, the gossip that she was. He was already rewriting his routine now. Shitty pizza for lunch in seven minutes, then an undetermined amount of time in sixth period that he would spend lagging in the lockeroom if their coach actually tried to make them have class, then the assembly and then home. Gorgug would drop him off, probably, or maybe the rain had cleared enough for him to walk. He hoped he could walk. Maybe he would anyways, if it was still raining. He was going to get home too early if he drove, and that would just be another thing to add to his clusterfuck of a day. No, he would walk, and just lie and say his mom picked him up if anyone questioned him. Not like it would be the first white lie shared between their group today.

Everything was going to be fine.

And then they weren’t serving pizza for lunch like they should be, and Riz was honestly at his limit. 

“Dude, you okay? You’re looking at those chicken nuggets like they… I don’t know, defiled a clue board or something. Oh god, our lunch isn’t evil again, is it?”

“What?” He stared at Kristen, who had just happened to walk into the lunch room at the same time as him and managed to get beside him in line. “No, it’s just not what was on the menu today.”

“So what? I thought you hated cafeteria pizza, this is an improvement.”

They moved through the line quickly, Riz losing his appetite more and more with each passing step.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “I’m not hungry though,” he added, grabbing a bottle of water and making his way to the register. He was kind of hungry, actually, but he knew he wouldn't be able to force any food down. 

“Suit yourself,” the cleric shrugged, happily taking her own lunch and punching in her code. They made their way to their usual table, spotting half the group already waiting for them.

“Anyone know what happened with the menu change?” He asked, directing the question mostly to Adaine. She immediately lit up.

“Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but…”

“Go on,” Fabian said, leaning forward in sudden interest.

“You know Basira, that sorcerer girl dating the dragon born from Fig’s band class, Eliza?”

“Absolutely not, please continue.”

“I know who she is,” Kristen rolled her eyes. “Brunette who’s way too proud of being drumline, right?”

“That’s the one,” the wizard nodded. “ _ Well,  _ apparently, Eliza cheated on her with a senior, who’s  _ also  _ on the drumline.”

“Oof,” Riz winced in sympathy, temporarily forgetting his own problems.

“Right! And to make matters worse, the senior, Askiya, took the bass drum position Basira wanted, so she was stuck with snare, or something. I don’t really get band.”

“What don’t you get about band?” Fig asked, appearing behind Adaine suddenly as she approached the table, Gorgug following a few steps behind her. 

“We’re talking about the Eliza thing,” Adaine told her. Fig winced.

“Oh yeah, the whole bands a mess right now, it’s terrible.”

“So’s the blood rush team,” Gorgug commented as he took his own seat.

“What? Why?” 

“Askiya was on the team, but she got kicked off after what happened. She was good too, and we don’t have very many reserve players.” He explained to Kristen/

“Why am I just now finding out about this?” Fabian huffed.

“I only know because the other barbarians were talking about it last period, don’t worry.”

“I’m confused,” Kristen interrupted. “This is very good drama, but it still doesn’t explain what happened to the pizza.”

“Right,” Adaine said. “Well, I guess Basira found out, and confronted Eliza about it,  _ while she was talking to Askiya!” _

“Yikes.” He drew out the word.

“I know right!” Adaine waved a hand vaguely in Riz’s direction. “But here’s the thing, instead of getting pissed at each other like everyone expected them to, they teamed up on Eliza, because apparently she had lied to Askiya and told them they already broke up. So they got into like, a huge fight. And it somehow ended up moving into the kitchen? I’m still a little foggy on that part, the lunch ladies won’t tell me anything. But I heard they had to get another cleric to finish healing Eliza because the nurse didn’t have enough spell slots. ”

“I’ll get Gilear onto it pronto,” Fig reassured her. “The lunch ladies still have a soft spot for him, especially Candace.”

“Please tell me that’s not what the meeting this afternoon is about. They didn’t call a meeting after we killed multiple members of staff, this seems like a bit of an overreaction.”

“Nah,” Adaine reassured Riz. “It’s about some teacher getting arrested or something.” Fig immediately perked up. “Not Porter.” She deflated.

“How do you know?” The bard pouted. “It could be him.”

“I just had him for class last period.”

“Maybe he’s getting arrested during the meeting,  _ Gorgug.”  _

“That would be insane,” The barbarian said flatly. Well, he had a point.

“I don’t think it’s even someone from Augefort,” Adaine said apologetically, placing a hand on Fig’s shoulder. “But I think he did something fucked so they have to hold a big meeting to go over what they can say to students and everything before it comes out in the news.”

“How do you know all of this.” Riz narrowed his eyes in her direction. The romance stuff he could get, she was beyond capable when it came to investigation and he tended to stay out of drama that revolved around teenage love-lives, but his mom was a cop and he had never heard even a hint from her that something like this was happening. It was a little too weird that Adaine already had all the details.

“The walls have ears,” she said, suddenly sitting up primly even as she continued to eat soggy school cafeteria chicken nuggets, dipped in ranch like the maniac she was. 

“You got a vision, didn’t you?” Kristen accused, a large grin on her face as she leaned towards the oracle. 

“N-no,” Adaine insisted, face suspiciously red. “Shut up!”

“Man, your visions really would be useless to Fallinel,” Gorgug laughed. Adaine pretended to be offended for all of a moment before she joined in. 

Riz laughed along with the rest of the table, finding the remaining tension that had been in him all day slowly ebbing away. It was fine, who cared about something as small as an interrupted schedule? 

-

Riz did. Riz cared about his interrupted schedule. 

They were called down to the large gymnasium nearly fifteen minutes into sixth period, all of which he had spent in the lockeroom hoping he could drag it out long enough that he wouldn’t be forced to participate in the death battle that is dodgeball in the smaller gym they had class in. Judging by the way the wizard and the cleric in his class were also hanging back, he supposed they agreed. 

He managed to find the rest of the bad kids fairly easily, as loud of a group as they were, and tried to get lost in conversation with them to avoid the way he felt slightly sick at the fact that he should be in class right now. Also, he was super hungry now, so he probably should eat when he got home, but he never ate after school and it would make him not hungry enough to eat dinner, and then he would feel hungry later that night, and his entire life felt like it was going to stop because he wanted a snack. 

Right, deep breaths. Don’t think about the fact that you were supposed to review for that test tomorrow last period, and now don’t know if the teacher is still going to have it or not. Don’t think about the way you’ll have to study extra for it in case you do, which you didn’t plan for and left way too much homework to the last minute, and now have to find a way to cram it into his schedule that he doesn’t plan for shit like this to happen to.

“Hey,” Kristen said, unknowingly interrupting his downward spiral. “The guys are staying after to lift since the field's flooded and they probably won’t have outside practice the rest of the week.” Oh, okay, maybe it wasn’t so unknowingly if she was explaining stuff they had probably been talking about for the past ten minutes. Whoops. “But marching band practice is canceled, so Fig, Adaine and I were wondering if you wanted to hop a ride with us and Jawbone so you don’t have to walk home in the mud. You can stay at Mordred Manor for a bit too if you want! Ayda’s visiting, and you two haven’t had a chance to hang in a while.”

Noticing Riz’s look but wildly misinterpreting it, she continued. “It’ll be a little cramped in the car, but we fit Fabian this morning somehow so it’ll work. Granted, that was mostly because I rode in the trunk, but still.”

Had he been in any sort of mood to, Riz definitely would have asked for clarification on this point. As it was though, he was pretty sure his brain was frozen. 

“Um, you okay? You look a little… green. Is that insensitive? Oh god, I just realized, that’s probably racist, right?”

“Uh,” Riz said eloquently. “I have to go, right now. Immediately.”

He didn’t wait for an answer, walking straight up the bleachers towards the vent he knew rested just slightly above his head when he stood on the top seats. Ignoring the looks from the seniors who had been sitting there and praying that the only teacher they left behind to stand guard didn’t see him, he removed the front and crawled in. Finally, sweet solitude. He took back everything he ever said about rogue classes, they were amazing, and he was going to buy Mrs. Jesky an apple in thanks for last month's demonstrations using the school vent system. Screw multi-classing, this was literally all he needed in life. 

Thankfully, it was a short trip to vent that led just outside the bathroom, and an even shorter trip to dash inside before anyone saw him, and then he was blessedly free to have a full freak out session on his own. 

He walked over to the sink, busying himself with washing his hands in hopes that if someone came in they wouldn’t question him, or something. He really hadn’t thought this through. After nearly two minutes straight of just washing his hands, ears pointed towards the door in an attempt to hear any approaching footsteps, he started to feel a little guilty abput wasting water, reluctantly shutting off the tap. He shook his hands dry and- oh, that felt good. He continued waving his hands in the air, slightly more aggressively, feeling some of the nervous energy leaving him and forcing himself to slow his breathing. He was fine, just breaking down alone in the school bathroom because his friend invited him over, not like that was something he had looked forward to his entire life, nearly hyperventilating and all but dislocating his wrists. This was fine. 

He heard a ping from his crystal and after another few seconds of vigorous shaking, slowed and eventually stopped whatever it was the hell he was doing. He took his crystal from his pocket, thankful that he had at least brought it rather than leaving it on the bleachers when he basically ran out of the gym.

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ Damn was it smthn i said??? :((((( _ __  
  


🔎 **⌚**

_ No _

Riz left it at that for a few seconds before his brain caught up to him and he realized that wasn’t exactly an explanation

🔎 **⌚**

_ Felt sick, didn’t want to be known as the puke kid again _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ LOL _

_ Freshmen year was crazy _

🔎 **⌚**

_ Haha, yeah _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ U sure u good? I thought u might be sick earlier when u said u weren’t hungry since you’re always hungry but u didn’t say anything else so i wasn’t sure _

Rude, but fair.

🔎 **⌚**

_ Nah, i’m good _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ Well now I know your lying  _

🔎 **⌚**

_???? _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ no capitalization or punctuation? the riz i know would never _

_ God, tell me this isn’t barron again _

🔎 **⌚**

_ No  _

_ I’m fine, don’t worry. _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ Shit, i’ve revealed ur tell too soon and now u’ve outsmarted me :( _

_ No but fr, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine but u don’t have to pretend to be okay _

_ U, riz gukgak, are allowed to have  _ _feelings_

🔎 **⌚**

_Debatable_ __

_ Don’t psychoanalyze that statement. _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ Too late, i’ve already called my therapist for advice _

_ I’m not trying to make u uncomfortable, i just want u to know we’re here for you _

🔎 **⌚**

_ Thanks, Kristen. _

_ I guess I’m just overwhelmed by how much stuff happened that I wasn’t prepared for today _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/) _ ’ _

_ That’s valid tbh _

_ But u should tell people when stuff like that happens instead of just stewing in it _

🔎 **⌚**

_ I will die with my emotions buried inside me, thank you very much. _

_ Also, just so you know, saying someone looks green when you mean sick isn’t racist but also doesn’t make sense to say to people who look green when they’re healthy _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ What;s the equivalent then? _

🔎 **⌚**

_ Goblins say yellow, I don’t know about orcs _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ Wildin _

_ So, I’m assuming it’s a no go on coming to the manor after school? _

🔎 **⌚**

_ Sorry _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/)

_ Don’t be _

_ So ur just really particular about staying on schedule? _

🔎 **⌚**

_ Yeah, I guess. Why? _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/) _ ’ _

_ No reason _

_ Just something Ayda mentioned one time _

🔎 **⌚**

_ Oh _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/) _ ’ _

_ You should talk to Jawbone about that sometime _

🔎 **⌚**

_ Why? _

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/) _ ’ _

_ No reason, just think it might help _

_ I get it if you don’t want to, but it’s still raining according to what some kids are saying, so the offer is still open for us to drop you off _

Riz thought about it. Part of him was really craving even that small shred of his tattered routine, but his friends, not to mention the adults in his life, would probably be really unhappy if he walked home in the rain. Even if Kristen was being slightly weird, it was still better than getting pneumonia  _ and _ yelled at by his mom. It would be fine. The weird hand waving thing he had done a minute ago had seemed to almost reset him, and it now felt less like he was facing the umpteenth upheval of his schedule that day and more like the first, which was far more bearable, if still not ideal. 

His crystal pinged again, and he looked down.

🌈  [ 🧸 ](https://emojipedia.org/teddy-bear/) _ ’ _

_ Oop btw everyone else got worried and didn’t think about texting u so they sent gorgug to check on you whoops lol _

_ Idk why everyone says im the dumb one when y’all froget you have crystals every time you get a little worried smh no common sense _

🔎 **⌚**

_ It’s the spring break flashbacks. _

_ Also; Oh God.  _

It was then that he heard Gorgug’s rapidly approaching footsteps, thankfully an advanced enough warning that he wasn’t surprised when the door opened and tried to shoot him or something. 

“Hey, are you good?’ Gorgug questioned, looking around as though he expected someone else to be in the room. 

“Yeah,” Riz nodded, surprised by how raspy his voice was. He raised a hand to rub at his face and found his cheeks surprisingly wet. Shit, he had apparently started crying at some point during-  _ that.  _ He was officially ready to never talk to another living creature again. “How did you break out?”

“I-” Gorgug furrowed his eyebrows, clearly confused. “Just asked to go to the bathroom? We're not in prison, any more at least.”

“Right,” Riz said, choosing not to be embarrassed. He was overwhelmed, and the route he took was way faster. Sue him.

“Anyways,” Gorgug started when it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything else. “There’s like twenty minutes until the bell but the teachers are starting to come back from their meeting and they don’t feel like making us go back to class so we’re free to go whenever. Do you need a ride?”

“No,” Riz shook his head. “Kristen told me you’re staying after with the team, Jawbone is dropping me off.” He wanted to tell himself that the fact that there was yet another upset to his routine didn’t bother him since it just meant he would get home faster, but he couldn’t help the way the heavy feeling was starting to build up in his stomach again. “Let’s go.”

“Okay,” Gorgug said, but he didn’t start walking yet, just continued staring at him. He was blocking the door. Riz shifted slightly, uncomfortable. 

“Just-” Gorgug closed his eyes and shook his head. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Sure,” Riz agreed, hoping that agreeing would make him move so they could leave.

“Seriously,” he insisted. “Don’t like, suffer in silence or whatever.”

“Right.”

Gorgug, sensing he was clearly not getting anything more enthusiastic than that, sighed and opened the door. Riz followed him out and towards where the rest of the Bad Kids were standing, just outside the door where the awning still protected them from rain.

“There you are,” Adaine said, the first to notice them approaching. “We’re waiting on Jawbone, he still hasn’t come down from the meeting yet.”

Riz nodded, and did his best to join in on their conversation while they waited.

Eventually, Jawbone came down, and the girls bugged him the entire way to his apartment (and likely then some) to reveal what the meeting had been about, something he refused on the grounds of it being “not the kind of conversation you have while driving a car filled with too many teenagers.” 

They arrived outside of Strongtower Luxury apartments with little fanfare, and Riz made to open the door when Kristen pulled him into a sudden one armed hug from where she sat in between him and Fig. (He had offered to take the middle since he was the smallest, but she refused, not even bothering to make up an excuse beyond a ‘you look like shit’ she thankfully didn’t announce too loudly.)

“See you tomorrow Riz, okay?”

“Yeah,” he said in surprise. “See you guys.”

He heard a few more good bye’s yelled after him before he slammed the door and sprinted his way into safety from the rain. 

As he made his way into his apartment, finally slumping with the exhaustion of the day, he couldn’t help but think to himself that he couldn’t quite believe it was still only Tuesday. If the rain didn’t let up soon, it was sure to be a long week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've based augefort on my own hs that i go to this year so strongly that it probably seems absolutely wild to people who go to like, normal schools. w/e  
> hope you enjoyed! we got our selves a two for one with kristen and gorgug, which honestly wasn't the plan but works out very well regardless! if things go according to plan fabian is next but idk how heavily I'll include him it's up to god at this point   
> Anyways hope you enjoy this mess of a chapter please comment I need constant validation 🥺


	5. Stimming

The thing was, once Riz realized something helped, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He felt the thrumming of energy built up at his fingers every time he got anxious, the need to physically expel the feeling always at the back of his mind. He knew from experience now how good it felt, how much it helped take away some of the anxious build up of restless energy inside of him. It wasn’t a magic fix, but it helped as a first step in a way the breathing exercises Adaine showed him never did. Those helped for lots of things, sure, but when his anxiety manifested in a crushing sense of dread rather than hyperventilating, there was only so much breathing could do.

So it helped, and it didn’t hurt in the way some other things that helped did. It wasn’t the tugging at his hair that only left his migraines worse or the scratching at his skin until he drew blood. It wasn’t the caffeine addiction and the sleepless nights when he worked to expel the nervous energy through work that could really wait until morning. It was just moving his hands in quick little bursts, rocking back on the heels of his feet and feeling the tension drain from his body. It just helped. It was good.

And it was  _ weird.  _

Riz didn’t fully understand people, sure, but he knew better than flapping his hands in the air in the middle of the hallway. He was sort of cool now, in the way all the Bad Kids were cool (who knew saving the world came with almost as much fame as it did trauma? That the smiles thrown in their direction in the hallway would almost out number the nightmares?) but there was still that level of Weird Kid he would never fully escape. He could count on one hand the number of goblins at Augefort, but it really went beyond that. He talked too much or too little or too fast or too slow, and no matter how he held himself or tried to make friends or stay out of everyone’s way it was always  _ wrong.  _ He was wrong. 

Thoughts like that weren’t useful, though. He had spent a lot of his life building a mental clue board of his faults, a mess of string connecting all the seemingly unrelated traits, leading to a large question mark where he could never really figure out the why. It was one of the few cases he had never solved. Certainly the most important of that small group. He almost didn’t want to. 

It was strange how that one realization of a simple act that made him feel better also made him feel worse, bringing up feelings he tried to bury beneath the warmth of friends and sleepovers and shrimp parties. He tried the methods Jawbone had mentioned in one of the counselling sessions he had been pressured into, an acknowledgment and a dismissal, but that never seemed to work when the acknowledgement hurt so bad and the dismissal seemed illogical. He could see his friends insecurities, see the faults in their thoughts, could tell that the idea that Gorgug was dumb or that Adaine was unlovable was completely ridiculous, could even list the reasons why it was, but when he looked at himself it was never that easy. There were certain facts about the world you just couldn’t ignore. Magic is real and the grass is green and Riz Gukgak is a bit of a loser who lucked into making friends and who’s only real skill is hiding and shooting the enemies his friends have the bravery to face head-on. He dealt comfortably in facts, applying them to solve cases with practiced ease, and that was what he did with himself as well. Applied the facts, examined the reasonable conclusions, and then tucked that conclusion away neat and tidy in a file cabinet where he wouldn’t look at it again. 

So Riz Gukgak was careful in public, held that particular bit of ammo close to his chest. But it was fine in private. In the safety of his room he could flap his hands until his wrists were sore all he wanted, and that was fine. He didn’t need any more than that.

He wished he could fully convince himself of that.

His friends wouldn’t make fun of him, probably. They could bully each other about the little things, the spelling mistakes in the group chat and the tripping in the parking lot, but certain things were off limits. You didn’t make any gay jokes about Kristen that she didn’t make first, the same way you didn’t ask Gorgug about his grandparents. You never suggested to Adaine that grades weren’t important and you let Fabian believe he was fooling you that he was aloof. They were unspoken rules, learned only after mistakes and trial and error though, and Riz knew someone would at least mention it before realizing he didn’t want to talk about it. And Riz really, really did not want to talk about it. 

So he wouldn’t. Avoidance was as easy as it was unhealthy, so he kept his hands to himself when they felt the need to move in public. 

Sometimes it was hard though.

-

It wasn’t a bad day. That sort of made it worse, really, because on bad days he was starting to expect it, his body reacting in new and fun ways as his stress level rose. It was more predictable when it happened on those days when he could barely drag himself out of bed. But this wasn’t a bad day. Honestly, he would go so far as to call it a good day.

The first snow was starting to fall, a thin blanket coating the ground. Winter break had finally arrived, and soon the biting cold would seep into their shitty apartment with a heating system older than him. But for now it was only chilly, large sweaters and warm drinks. Their breath hung in front of them in the air and Riz  _ loved  _ it. Loved the way the sky was dark and dim, the physical representations of the year ending. It was insane to think that their spring break trip had really been earlier that year. He couldn’t wait to see what next year brought as well.

Winter was sweaters and warm drinks and gatherings that were finally big. For a few years it had been just him and his mom, a small celebration of the Solstice. But now he was almost somewhat related to nearly all of his friends (Sklonda and Gorthalax have been getting serious lately, and it was as weird as it was nice to see her happy) and there was so much life in the holiday. They had plans this year, visits and gift exchanges. It made him smile, every time he saw the dinner at Mordred Manor circled in his calendar the night before the Solstice. 

So Riz woke up happy. It was break, and he got to officially forget the stress of school for a few weeks. It was nice to toss aside the thoughts of anything else, momentarily forgetting the bad and just focusing on the good. He had already finished all of his gift shopping, he managed to remember to drink water every day for the past week, he woke up without a headache, and the snow outside was still in the perfect state of just slightly fluffy. Things were  _ good.  _

He felt his crystal vibrate in his pocket and opened it to a sea of new discord notifications.

Homosexuali-tea 

_ We ready to get TURNT tonight hoes?????? _

Elven Ora-COOL

_ No _

Homosexuali-tea 

_ We ready to have a quiet night in where we play uno and watch she-ra? _

(un)licensed

_ Sounds good. _

Bard 2: Electric Boogaloo

_ Fuck that, it is officially solice break i wanna get turnt! _

Cigerouth

_ Fabian stfu _

Bard 2: Electric Boogaloo

_ Yeah that’s fair no drugs tonight _

Homosexuali-tea 

_ Maybe a little weed? _

Bard 2: Electric Boogaloo

_ Well yeah that’s barely even a drug _

Elven Ora-COOL

_ We can have weed or alcohol but not both tonight please I really don’t want a repeat of that bonfire _

Cigerouth

_ Don’t blame the vodka for what the angry druid did _

(un)licensed

_ Please. _

Cigerouth

_ Fiiiiinnnneeeee _

Homosexuali-tea 

_ We’re joking btw we already promised jawbone to stay mostly sober today since all the adults are going to be out _

Cigerouth

_ Ye people who need to be high to have fun are whack  _

(un)licensed

_ We’re still shooting for six, right? _

Skipper

_ Need a ride? _

(un)licensed

_ Nah, my mom’s letting me borrow the car tonight _

Cigerouth

_ Our boy got his license!!! You love to see it!!! _

Elven Ora-COOL

_ You ever get your license to use government resources to look into the lives of civilians for contract before getting your license to drive your mom’s honda civic? _

(un)licensed

_ You ever become the number one most desirable figure in your birth government by inheriting a position as the greatest divination wizard of your age but you still can’t drive a honda civic? _

Elven Ora-COOL

_ Touché _

Homosexuali-tea 

_ So is sklonda finally taking a night to just vibe? _

(un)licensed

_ Gorthalax is coming over. _

Cigerouth

_ New brother! New brother! New brother! _

(un)licensed

_ Fig, please _

Elven Ora-COOL

_ Sklonda GET IT _ _  
  
_

(un)licensed

_ ADIANE, PLEASE _

Bard 2: Electric Boogaloo

_ No one talk to me until you walk in on your mother flirting with Gilear _

Cigerouth

_ Well, he was married to my mother for 13 years _

(un)licensed

_ We did try to set him up with my mom once _

Cigerouth

_ Yeah bitch thought he escaped being related to me turns out his mom is just hot for my other dad _

(un)licensed

_ Fig please _

Cigerouth

_ You can’t tell me that dinner wasn’t fun _

(un)licensed

_ He talked about his fungal infection and then popped a bottle of elven wine _

Elven Ora-COOL

_ I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with this _

Homosexuali-tea 

_ Weren’t you just begging Fig to cast modify memory on you after you walked in on Jawbone and Sandralynn necking? _

Elven Ora-COOL

_ WELL APPARENTLY SHE AGREED BECAUSE I DON’T REMEMBER THAT  _

Cigerouth

_ W o w kristen _

_ Skipper _

_ Why would you call it that _

(un)licensed

_ Have fun with that, I’m going to go get ready, see you guys in an hour _

  
  


Riz turned his crystal on silent, ignoring the notifications that continued to pop up except to occasionally scan them to retain the gist of the conversation. Once he saw something about a MILF he turned his phone over, knowing the word Sklonda was probably attached to it and he really didn’t need that in his life. This is what happens when parents start dating their kids’ friend’s parents. Bad things. Why was his life like this?

He wouldn’t have it any other way, though, he silently admitted to himself while he was on his way there. He was still a nervous driver, constantly checking his mirrors and holding onto the steering wheel with a white knuckled drip. He changed his answer every other day over whether the residential and back roads were worse or better than the highway, and he honestly would readily admit he preferred being a passenger.

Still, there was something about the freedom of being able to drive himself that he loved. He supposed it was that it made him feel like a normal teenager. It’s not that he didn’t love his job, Augefort, and all of the crazy bullshit that came with it, though he really could do without the occasional kidnappings, but sometimes it was nice to think about normal stuff like the drivers ed classes he had to sit through for a month and the way his salary was now being saved up for a car. Well, his normal salary was, at least. His weird heaven salary was still being used to… spread good will? He had read his contract five times and still hadn’t entirely figured it out. 

He deserved to be a normal teenager sometimes, he thought as he pulled into the driveway of Mordred Manor, spotting the familiar motorcycle and van in the empty spot where Jawbone’s car was usually parked. So, he was going to be a normal teen tonight. Normal. Why did that sound harder than the maneuverability test and killing an ancient demon god of nightmares combined?

He let himself into the house with the spare key under the mat. Difficult or not, he was going to have nice, normal fun. 

“Riz! Rizzy! Rizzani!” Kristen was sprawled across a couch with feet above her head when Riz walked in, raising her hands to way and promptly falling off the couch. “Oof, ow, shit.”

“I thought we weren’t going crazy tonight, why are you already drunk?” Riz narrowed his eyes at her before looking to everyone else in the room who shrugged. He had heard the soft muttering of people talking while walking down the stairs to the basement, but definitely not anything to suggest that they were already going wild. Plus, the room was completely empty of any alcoholic-looking beverages, the closest being the comically large cup of kool-aid Gorgug was sipping from, which definitely had enough sugar in it that someone of his size could get drunk from it. Thankfully, everyone else seemed to be holding only normal sized red solo cups from where they sat spread across the various furniture in the room.

“Excuse you,” Kristen crossed her arms from the floor. “I am one hundred percent stone cold sober right now.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot you’re just like that. In that case, if you ever call me  _ Rizzani  _ again I’ll break into your room at night and steal all your vans and the good jeans with pockets.”

“Damn,” Fig laughed. “He went there!”

“You’re no fun,” Kristen pouted, rolling over and sighing at the ceiling. “Why do you all have such shitty names? It’s really hard to come up with nicknames. Riz, there’s kool aid in the mini fridge and cups on the table.” Riz nodded and made his way over. 

“Fig already is a nickname,” Gorgug pointed out.

“Right,” Adaine said, nodding sagely. “Short for Figgothy.”

“Really?” Riz blinked before thinking for a moment and flushing. “Wait, nevermind, shut up.” He quickly corrected, barely able to be heard over the cackling of his friends. He sulked his way over to the unoccupied arm chair, cup in hand, trying to pretend he wasn’t embarrassed. 

“Y-you thought,” Fig gasped out, still laughing. “You seriously thought Fig was short for Figgothy!”

“No!” He protested. “I just got confused. Fuck you guys!”

“He’s just angry because we came really close to discovering that his name is actually short for Rizzothy,” Fabian said with a mostly straight face. Riz rolled his eyes.

“I hate you guys.”

“No you don’t,” Gorgug said smugly. Shit, he was right, but he couldn’t let  _ them  _ know that.

“Whatever, Jorg-jug.” Gorgug narrowed his eyes.

“What did you say?”

“Guys,” Adaine laughed, a tad nervously. “Please.” They fell quiet, immediately abandoning their playful argument.

“Y’all wanna watch the last season of She-Ra or something else?” Kristen asked, breaking the momentary silence and waiving around the remote carelessly. “It doesn’t matter that much to me, I just want something we can all agree on.”

“I already watched the last season with Ayda,” Fig shrugged apologetically. “She was super into it and didn’t want to wait. I don’t mind watching it again though.”

“I already watched it with Tracker too,” Kristen sighed, half flopping off the couch again. “The curse of being a lesbian.”

“Let’s just put on some dumb shit no one cares about then,” Gorgug suggested. “What did we start last time? Killer Minds?”

“Criminal Minds,” Riz corrected. “I’m down.”

“Is that the show with the Fallinel Bureau of Investigation?” Adaine asked. “With the cases?”

“That stupid wizard with the fluffy hair is the closest I’ve ever come to being straight,” Kristen said, sounding somewhat annoyed by the fact, already pulling the show up on Netflix.

“Reid or something, right?” Fabian squinted at the screen. “Ew, captions.”

“I can’t pay attention for dick without them,” Fig rolled her eyes. “Not that I really care about the show anyways.”

“What’s everyone’s Solstice plans besides the dinner we’re hosting?” Adaine asked, a general question that, in true Bad Kids fashion, spiraled completely out of control after only a few minutes of conversation.

“-So that’s why I killed him. What do you guys think? Too much? I mean, I revived him right afterwards, obviously, but it’s super awkward now because I have my first period with him and we share a table but he refuses to talk to me.” Kristen concluded. Riz recalled how less than ten minutes ago Fabian had been bragging about his plans for the holiday, and it had somehow spiraled into this. He loved his friends.

“You could always ask to move seats,” Fig suggested, completely calmly as if half the things Kristen had just said weren’t completely insane. 

“I feel like he might be offended if I do,” Kristen said. “Like, what if he hasn’t asked yet because he wants to bridge the gap and become friends again?”

“I’m sorry, you said you killed him, right?” Fabain asked. “Like, actual murder.”

“He was barely even dead,” Kristen waved. “And I healed him back up to full after! It took three whole spell slots.”

“Hm, seems like he wasn’t even worth it,” Riz shrugged. Kristen nodded and scratched her chin, clearly considering the possibility.

“I appreciate you trying to defend me,” Gorgug said slowly. “But I think the murder might have been a bit too far.”

“In this household we kill racists,” Fig argued. “It’s our duty in society.”

“He was just being an asshole.”

“An asshole who was a dick to you for no reason,” Adaine corrected. “You should maybe tell a teacher or something instead of just killing him next time though?”

“I was debating on if it was kinder to deal with him myself instead of taking him to Augefort,” Kristen explained. They all let out general sounds of agreement. Augefort was a wild card, to say the least.

“Well, maybe save that for if he becomes a repeat offender,” Adaine said. “I think hope  _ might _ be lost on the whole friendship thing, though. Sorry.”

“Yeah,” Kristen sighed. “I figured.”

“I appreciate you standing up for me though,” Gorgug cut in.

“Yeah,” the cleric smile. “Of course dude.”

In front of them the television, which had remained largely unwatched for the time they had been talking, suddenly grabbed their attention again as a siren began blaring.

“This show is so unrealistic sometimes,” Riz rolled his eyes. “Why do they pick up stuff with the gloves like that? Just put the gloves on! That’s literally what gloves are made for! It takes three seconds to not destroy evidence.” He added as they arrived at the crime scene, and the fighter character Derek Morgan reached down and picked up a knife with the latex glove. The blur shifted to focus behind him on the cleric, JJ, who was doing the same thing with a picture frame on the mantel. “Why,” he groaned.

“It is kind of stupid,” Adaine agreed. “Why would highly trained professionals not take two seconds to do their jobs right?”

“Nerds,” Kristen yelled teasingly. “Is that seriously the only problem you have with this Holi Wood depiction of an already weird branch of the FBI?”

“No,” Riz admitted, sitting up fully now. He had a brief phase a year ago where he had binged all of the show in as little time as physically possible, scouring messageboards and fandom spaces to take in as much information of the show as possible. For the most part, he had gotten lost in the story lines, but as he reached the end of the marathon, he had realized more and more how inaccurate it was. Also, the writing started to suck. Unnecessary romances were the bane of his existence. “It makes a lot of mistakes.”

“It’s a drama,” Fabian shrugged. “It’s trying to entertain, not serve as a documentary for the actual Fallinal Bureau of Investigation.”

“Still,” Riz protested. “It’s not that hard to get some of the minor details right. Even the premise for the show itself is off! Profilers don’t work with the crime scenes that much. They usually don’t even make arrests.”

“The just do a lot of racial profiling,” Fig rolled her eyes. “The real world BAU suspiciously builds a lot of profiles around the idea that the suspect must be a teifling, for  _ some  _ reason.”

“Right!” Riz nodded, not even realizing that he had now begun to gesture widely towards the tv. “You can tell a story without glorifying a corrupt organization who uses their  _ gut feelings  _ in place of actual data and analysis of crimes! It’s a mockery to investigation as a whole!”

“Whoo, someone’s fired up!” Kristen cheered. “Hell yeah, down with the government! Down with pigs!”

“Yeah!” Riz called, realizing he must have stood up at some point during that conversation. Man, was this the kind of energy people had all the time when they slept? This energy felt  _ good.  _ Also, maybe that kool-aid had been a  _ little  _ spiked. Knowing Kristen, she had probably genuinely forgotten if it was. Who spikes kool-aid? Besides Jim Jones, he guessed. Everyone was starting to look a little too red-faced for a normal low-key hangout.

“You’re going to spill your cup,” Kristen pointed out. Riz looked at his hands in surprise. Oh, he must have started moving them at some point. What the fuck was in the punch? He gently set it down on the table beside him before turning around the address the room at large again.

“And another thing-” He started, before getting cut off by Fabian snorting.

“Calm down, the ball, you look like you’re swatting flies.”

Immediately Riz felt himself shut down. Fabian was clearly just joking, but the sudden realization that he had openly been doing the hand-flapping-thing in front of his friends left him reeling. He quickly shoved his hands in his pockets, mind quickly grappling with literally any way to get out of this situation. Fabian’s smile was slowly sliding off his face the longer Riz went without saying anything. A clawed hand grasped the crystal in his pocket, and Riz brought it out with sheer relief. 

“Oh, um, sorry guys, my mom just texted me,” he said, pretending to notice a notification. “I have to go call her. I’ll be right back.” Shit, that deception was so bad.

He brushed past the rest of the group and quickly made his way up the stairs, vaguely registering what sounded like Adaine berating Fabian. He was berating himself to, thinking of how stupid he was to let his guard down that much, to let himself do  _ that  _ in front of his friends. He should have just laughed it off anyways and sat back down. Now he was going to have to pull himself together enough to go back in before he’s been gone for too long and it’s going to so be so  _ awkward.  _ God, he fucked everything up again. Why was it so hard for him to just be normal for one night?

The cold December air hit his face immediately upon exiting the house, and Riz forced himself to take deep breaths despite the way it stung his lungs. Just like Adaine had taught them when they were doing that meditation tutorial for the SigFigs/ Bad Kids youtube channel. He felt himself smile as he thought of it, the eclectic mess of videos Fig’s agent was always begging her to delete in favor of official music videos. Inhale, 1, 2 , 3, 4. Hold. Exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4. Not the exact exercise, but his lung capacity was slightly lower than an elf’s, and he vaguely remembered Jawbone explaining that it was more important to follow a pattern that you could do rather than attempting one you couldn’t. Right, he was calm now, and the embarrassment of his total overreaction was starting to hit in full force. The alcohol he wasn’t even entirely sure if he had consumed had moved from a pleasant buzz in his head to a sickly pit in his stomach, and if he wouldn’t feel so bad about interrupting a rare date night he would really be considerings faking another emergency to go home. Breathing. Just focus on one thing.

The door opened behind him, and he rushed to press his crystal to his ear as stealthily as possible.

“Riz?” Fabian asked.

“Sorry mom, I’ll call you back.” He pretended to hang up the call, praying the fighter didn’t notice that his screen was blank. “Hey Fabian, what’s up?”

“Are you okay?” Fabian asked instead, brow furrowed with concern, and wow, did Riz  _ hate  _ how often people had to ask him that lately. He was completely fine. Sometimes his brain just didn’t get that memo, though, that’s all.

“Yeah, my mom just needed help with something really quick. She, uh-” Riz scrambled for an excuse. “Couldn’t find our recipe cards. I moved them the other day and forgot to tell her.” Hell yeah, that was believable as shit, and he wasn’t going to let the look on Fabian’s face convince him otherwise. 

“Right,” Fabian said. “Well, after you left we interrogated Kristen and found out that the kool-aid we were drinking was actually some leftover party punch she had gotten from Zelda, so I guess we weren’t as sober as we had initially hoped tonight.”

“Figures,” Riz laughed softly. Now that he was paying attention in better lighting, he could see the flush to Fabian’s face as well. None of them were light weights by any means, but anything that came from Zelda, or any of the Seven Maidens really, was bound to be intense, and they had all been drinking it as though it were any normal sugary juice, without any water or food nearby whatsoever. So _maybe_ Riz could forgive himself, just a little bit, for this slip up. (He won’t, but isn’t it a nice thought experiment to imagine that he could? That every night for the next month he wouldn’t be replaying this incident and drowning in all the little mistakes that led him to this moment, shivering on the doorstep outside of Mordred Manor, Fabian still staring at him with concern.)

“Sorry,” Fabian said suddenly, abrupt, like he wasn’t used to saying the word. He wasn’t, Riz knew personally. Fabian was funny like that, with a confidence that meant he only apologized when he was sorry, and a righteous anger that meant he was rarely sorry. He didn’t exactly avoid accountability out of a need to not be in the wrong, more that he did not very often consider himself to be in the wrong at all. And Riz knew he Adaine had been saying something on his behalf while he fled, but someone trying to explain to Fabian that his beliefs were wrong had never made him anything but more stubborn that he was right in the past. All of that was a very long slightly drunk way of Riz’s mind going, oh shit, he’s actually sorry. 

“It’s fine, dude,” Riz shook his head. He considered keeping up the facade for another moment, before realizing the very thought exhausted him. “I’m sorry for running out like that. I just got overwhelmed or something, I don’t know.”

“No, no, you’re completely fine, the ball,” Fabian protested. “I was out of line. Adaine explained to me that’s it’s rude to talk about stimming that way.” Riz was no longer listening, his mind having come to a screeching halt.

“Stimming?” He asked, his brain already picking over the unfamiliar word. It didn’t have any sort of root or base he could easily discern the meaning from, and the context provided very little in the ways of hints. He hated the slight pit that formed in his stomach when he admitted a gap in his knowledge, but the desire to learn outweighed it, and so he asked, and stared at Fabian while he blinked and tried to explain.

“Yes, well, she said that’s what you were doing with the hands-” he raised his hands slightly, as though to gesture to them “-thing, I don’t know. She said it’s an autistic thing, something she picked up from Ayda.”

“Oh,” Riz said eloquently. And then again, “Oh.” Because, well, there was a lot to process in those two sentences, wasn’t there? He felt like someone had just punched him in the chest when Fabian said the word, though he immediately felt ashamed of his reaction. Autistic. That felt like the kind of word you didn’t say aloud, though that was completely ridiculous. Ayda would proudly proclaim her own label, and he knew it wasn’t a  _ bad thing,  _ but still, the word used in connection to himself felt jarring, and the world spinning suddenly wasn’t just a result of drinking what was probably way too much of the heavily alcoholic punch for someone his size.

“Are you?” Fabian asked hesitantly. “Autistic, I mean.”  _ No,  _ Riz prepared to say, the word already on the tip of his tongue. That felt like a lie somehow though, and he had already dealt with one shitty break this year because of a lie. 

“I don’t know,” he said instead, shrugging helplessly and ignoring the way the words felt shaky. “Maybe? I’ve never talked to anyone about it.”

“Oh,” Fabian said. Riz figured they had a lot in common, in that phrase. “You should. Maybe you could-”

“Talk to Jawbone,” Riz interrupted with a fond eye roll. Fabian’s mouth snapped shut. “I get that a lot.”

“I know the feeling,” Fabian muttered. “Our friends are very pushy about  _ therapy  _ and  _ feelings, _ aren’t they?” He shuddered. Riz laughed.

“They are,” he agreed, though he was smiling. Fabian mirrored him. A thought occurred to Riz suddenly. “Why don’t we make a pact then?” He suggested. “We both talk to Jawbone about our stuff?” Fabian grimaced but, reluctantly, he nodded. 

“Deal, The Ball. But I’m waiting until after Solstice break,” he added quickly. “And I’m not talking to him until you do, I will not be tricked into healthy habits.” Riz laughed again.

“Okay, Fabian, deal. We should go back inside, you look like you’re about to freeze to death.”

“You’re one to talk the ball, you’re so blue you could be a water genasi right now,” the fighter rolled his eye. “Fine, let’s go.”

“Everything okay?” Kristen asked as the door to the basement opened and the two boys stepped through, laughing at a joke Fabian had shared on the way down.

“Everything’s fine,” Riz answered honestly. The cleric stared at him for a moment, eyes baring into his soul, and it was at moments like these that Riz remembered that while Kristen was a goofy clumsy teen like the rest of them, she had also single-handedly revived a dead god and herself in one day. She just had this air about her sometimes, of someone who has seen so much, and Riz remembered that it wasn’t for nothing that clerics were a wisdom class. She finished her staring and nodded, clearly satisfied. 

“We got some water and some actually non alcoholic juice while you were gone, and some pretzels, so sober the fuck up boyos,” Fig commanded, pointing a sharp black nailed finger at them. Rude, but Riz was never going to pass up the chance for food. 

“Sorry about that, by the way,” Kristen said. “I completely forgot that Zelda had given me stuff. I can cast a quick  _ Greater Restoration _ if you need it.” Riz swallowed a handful of pretzels before responding.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” he reassured. He was going to push aside any bad thoughts for the rest of the night. He was going to shove snack food in his mouth and have  _ fun  _ goddamnit. 

“We’re watching this new movie that just came out,” Gorgug explained. “I don’t really get it, but Zelda said she watched it with the Seven Maidens and they liked it.” Riz glanced at the screen and saw a male elf making out with a female human and quickly looked away. No thanks. “Is everything fine with your mom?”

“Huh?” Riz asked before remembering his earlier excuse. “Oh, uh, yeah, she just needed my help with something real quick.”

Riz felt his crystal ping in his pocket and glanced at the screen. There was a new notification for a message from Adaine. He glanced at the Oracle, who was staring intently at her own device. He opened the notification.

🔮  🐸

_ Jawbone doesn’t have any appointments coming up. He’s still offering them over break though. _

He looked up and saw Adaine watching him. He sent her a questioning look, and she shrugged and pointed at her eyes. He mouthed  _ What  _ at her, causing her to shrug again. She looked back down at her phone, and his crystal buzzed again.

🔮  🐸

_ The gods of divination just thought you might want to know. _

Adaine smiled at him across the room and Riz smiled back. Okay, maybe he really could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i. Do Not. like this chapter. but it has been literally a month. please accept my humble offering

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to make this one long chapter but I'll be more likely to write if I get comments (hint hint) as I go  
> .  
> Hope you all enjoyed this!!


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